So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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