I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
