So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i've created a new STD.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
