Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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