Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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