Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
