So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
