thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i now understand why vodka
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
