Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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