Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
