I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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