dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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