Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
