Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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