Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize