Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
