so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
