i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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