walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize