I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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