Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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