ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
