those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize