There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
