The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
