Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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