Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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