Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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