I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
