Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
