the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
