he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
