You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it hurts more in the daytime
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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