A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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