Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
How naked do you want me to be?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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