my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
