I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
