Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
