the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
