I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
