I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
