the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize