I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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