I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize