you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize