Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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