i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
