I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
soo... how was my night?
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