I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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