ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
