i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
how do you play pong handcuffed?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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