It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
