I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
