You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
