a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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