So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
