And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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