I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
