I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
