I'm going to jail i love you
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
