"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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