Quick, to the slutcave!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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