Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
