You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
