i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
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