Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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