just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
