i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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