and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
